Building a Strong Relationship Foundation

At least one point in our lives we’ve heard, “A relationship requires a strong foundation” or something along those lines.

A relationship does require a strong foundation, but prior to creating a strong foundation with someone else one must establish his or her individual foundation. Two individual foundations equal a strong foundation. Without a strong individual foundation an individual may end up becoming “clingy” or co-dependent on someone. Without a strong individual foundation, what will an individual be sharing with someone else? Your foundation is what you share with another person.

In case you’re wondering. Your foundation is a mix between: your perception of life, how content you are with your life, what happiness means to you and inner happiness, how and if you address your emotions, if you learn from your experiences (positive or negative). These are what you can start with for acknowledging your personal foundation. An individual’s foundation is “Who the person is” beneath the surface. Beneath what career field you’re in, where you reside, what type of music you listen to, etc. If you’re going to share your self (Time & label of relationship are irrelevant) or life with someone you should be familiar with the above.

-Your perception of life is key to relationships. Two different perceptions of life that are not clearly stated could cause a few issues. Think about it, your perception of life gauges your: choices, actions, emotional response, thoughts, how you view your experiences, etc. What’s your perception of life? And do you live your perception of life or is it something that just makes great conversation?

-How content you are with your life is key to relationships. If you’re not content with where you are on your path then how do you think that impacts your self-relationship? If you’re not content with your life then why/how do you think someone will be content with being with someone who isn’t even content with his or her life?

-What happiness means to you and inner happiness is key in relationships. What does happiness mean to you? Do you have inner happiness? Inner happiness flows through your being no matter the day of the week, what happens 35 minutes from now, no matter the weather, no matter who does what for you. Inner happiness really is love. The love you have for yourself will constantly keep you happy no matter what crosses your path or who crosses your path. Inner happiness is beneath the surface at the very core of your being. Inner happiness is what is shared. Two individuals should be individually happy prior to being in a relationship with each other. Why? If someone needs someone to be happy then he or she is not sharing happiness are they?

-How and if you address your emotions is key in relationships. If you don’t address your emotions by yourself then how do you think that impacts your relationship with yourself? Furthermore, how do you expect to share your self or life with someone else and not address your emotions to yourself, so you can share them with your significant other?

-If you learn from your experiences is key to relationships. Why is this a part of your individual foundation? Well, do you learn from your experiences as a single individual? As a single individual who does learn from his or her experiences, how does you learning affect your life? How does not learning affect your life? How does you learning from your experiences affect your significant other? How does not learning affect your significant other? The point is, how you learn from your own experiences and the range of emotions that may accompany them can quite possibly have an impact with your significant other. Especially when it comes to addressing and embracing your emotions.

When you’re sharing, you are creating a link from your individual foundation to the other individual’s foundation. When you’re content and happy by yourself and find strength within, you won’t be “clingy” with anyone. And you won’t stay in an unhealthy relationship with fear of being alone because you will know how to be happy and that there is love and strength within. Having love within is how you’re able to share love without. You don’t make love. You can’t make something that already exists, you just have to remember where love is and share it. And the other individual must do the same. When you share love is when relationships are fun and “deep” and without the drama. Why? When individuals share what they have beneath the surface and not depend or expect someone to fill a void is how healthy relationships are created. On another note, the void that many have will have already been filled with self-love.

A person gets hurt when he or she enters a relationship with a “Need” mindset and “Sharing” expectations. These are complete opposites of each other. When the individual hasn’t remembered the love within but leeches on to the other individual; leans on the other individual, is when he or she gets hurt. Why? I’ll put it like this:

Imagine a wall leaning on another wall. What happens if the other wall that is standing shifts in any direction? The leaning wall falls and hits the ground. When the wall gets up it says, “I will never get to close to another wall again” or “The next wall must be 4 inches taller” or “The next wall must be a few shades darker or lighter.” Why is the wall making these statements? The wall is in fear of falling and hitting the ground again and for having the perspective right on the surface. If the wall can shift the perspective from the surface to beneath the surface then the wall will see things from a different angle. The problem was that the wall entered the partnership with the other wall in a “Leaning position” instead of a standing position. The standing position knows what is within and knows the love that can be shared. When the wall remembers the standing position is when the wall will approach the next potential partnership with a link of love while standing tall.

Standing tall for knowing that love is within and not leaning on someone to feel loved. Love in relationships is meant to be felt within (self-relationship) and shared. So build or acknowledge your own foundation and stand tall remembering the love you have within yourself. By remembering the love within you can contribute to creating a strong foundation with a significant other.

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Richard J . Watson

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