This morning I woke up thinking of my ex fiancee. As the warm waters of my morning shower washed over me, I contemplated our transgressions and what was the difference between the happy relationship I have now, and the tumultuous one we had together. Don’t get me wrong, she’s a great woman, and we shared the best of times and the worst of times. In the end, things mattered so much, and cut so deep, because we loved so much.
In the process of “finding love,” we must learn to love and be loved. There are different types of love obviously, like that of a parent or friend. Often, it’s the ones we hold above all others that our “love” neglects the most due to our insecurities, fear, and inability to communicate effectively.
When my relationship ended, I took the time to reflect on my own actions and feelings. In the heat of the moment, we may say things we regret. I certainly did, yet, at the time I felt justified in my comments. Through careful and objective reflection, I came to understand that things bothered me in a way with her, more than anyone else because I cared so deeply.
Not saying our union was perfect, nor ultimately that it would work, but I think we both put ourselves through a lot of personal grief because we knew that we weren’t meant for each other, even though we loved each other greatly. That’s what hurt so much. To look into someone’s eyes and love deeply, yet feel so detached is a very painful experience to endure.
That being said, and finding wisdom in all things, there are lessons to learn from deep painful love. I never look back with regret, because we cannot change yesterday. We’ve set each other free to find the true happiness we were destined to live, which is the greatest act of love and kindness two people can give. In honor of that experience, I try to live my life now by the lessons learned by it that has taught me more about myself and what will truly make me happy in life.
Sometimes love is not meant to last forever, and your partner isn’t your possession. During your break up remember to criticize yourself first. It takes two to tango. It also takes two to argue. Remind yourself that it is alright not to be the same, and that people do grow apart. Stop comparing yourself to them and their ideals. Think about your happiness.
Lastly, walk away re-defining what it is that you truly want. Strip away all the good things from the bad and focus on those things you want in a partner. Recognize those things in people you don’t like, or that rile you and irritate you and avoid them. Look for a partner who possesses those traits that will strengthen your bonds, instead of driving wedges between the happiness in your mind, and the reality you love.
People say and do things because love makes them care so deeply that they almost become intoxicated and delirious by it. And that isn’t a pleasant sight. There are times when love is supposed to hurt. It pulls on your tenterhooks because it touches each of us so deeply and completely. Learn from those feelings so when you fall in love again, you can love with open arms and heart, and a mind free from those insidious thoughts that sabotage your happiness.