Moving On After The Breakup

A Heartbreak Healing Guide

You fell in love and spent months or even years with someone special. Sharing a deep, meaningful experience that, perhaps, you expected to last a lifetime. Now that it has ended, what do you do? How do you move on with your life after the breakup? Dealing with a break up is something that nearly everyone has had to do at some point in their lives.

The question now is… Do you know how to get over a lost love?

When you are in a relationship, you are so focused on that person that you may lose track of yourself as a individual. Maybe you have lost touch with your friends and even your family…

Losing a loved one is a devastating, emotional loss. Losing them through a break-up is no less a tragedy. This means that you need to take care of your emotional health during this period.

The emotions that you experience after a breakup follow a predictable pattern and the easiest way to get through them is to push yourself and fight through them. This by no means is to suggest that you attack anyone or anything physically. Any such behavior will probably end up being something that you regret later.

The emotional fights are the tough ones because we have them with ourselves! Trying to gain control over our own emotions is a challenge.

The best advice here is to avoid bars! Many times, we turn to alcohol or drugs to help ease our pain. This is a mistake because alcohol really is a depressant. We have all seen someone sitting in a bar, crying, making a fool of themselves. Don’t become this person, you don’t need any additional regrets right now.

The first few emotions you will experience will be to feel terribly hurt and alone. All that can be done here is to accept your pain. Grieving requires a healing process. Part of that process is to recognize the emotions. As you work to get over a break up, you will experience many emotions.

– Be good to yourself. It’s okay to cry.

– It may help sometimes to talk to your friends and family about how they dealt with a break up.

One thing that you may find helpful is to write a letter to your ex. Part of your emotional healing is to talk about what happened and how you feel.

Pour your heart out, tell them everything. Talk about your love, your expectations, and your pain. Talk about what you believe went wrong and when.

This may be the longest letter that you have ever written. It may be many pages in length. Take your time writing it.

Once you finish your letter, once everything that needs saying has been said, burn it.

That’s right.

No matter what you think, or how you feel about it, do not mail this letter. The only purpose of writing the letter was for you to have an outlet for your emotions.

Don’t keep the letter lying around either.

  • It is not the type of thing that you would want anyone else to stumble across.
  • You do not need to re-read it at some other point and re-live those emotions.
  • You need an ending to help with your breakup recovery.

Burning the letter, not only ensures that your private feelings stay private, but it also gives you the ending that you need. Throwing the letter away won’t give you the same sense of closure.

As you work your way through the array of emotions that come after a breakup, you will get a little more perspective on the relationship. This perspective may give you some insight as to what went wrong.

As unlikely as it may seem to you right now, you will probably have other relationships. If you feel that you made mistakes in this one, understanding what they were and what caused them is an important step. Facing these mistakes may mean the next relationship will have a better chance of success.

Distance yourself from your ex.

  • Don’t visit places that you expect they may be.
  • Don’t drive by their home to see if they are alone.
  • Don’t have contact with their friends or family.

What’s done is done. Your ex is no longer responsible for your emotional well-being and may even be cruel. Any contact that you have with them will most likely be a set-back for you.

Make arrangements as quickly as possible for any property that may have been left behind. Make sure to take this same opportunity to return anything and everything that needs it. Anything that you keep lying around just adds emotional baggage.

Once the property exchange is completed, it is time to start seriously working on you!

  • If you have lost touch with friends or family, take time to reconnect.
  • Take up a hobby that you have always been interested in.
  • Join a gym, lose those extra pounds or just get fit.
  • Take a class.
  • Work longer hours, consider getting a second job.
  • Volunteer! There are many worthwhile causes that desperately need help.
  • Get a pet.
  • Take dance lessons.
  • Go on a vacation.

Any activity that you get involved in will help you to move forward with your life. Moving forward is the easiest way to keep from looking back.

As you take part in any new activity, one of the great benefits is that you get the opportunity to meet new people.

You may develop an entirely new circle of friends, or maybe just one or two. You may even get lucky enough to meet someone special.

After all, forming a new relationship is the ultimate way of getting over someone you use to love.

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Richard J . Watson

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