What Should You Do If You Are the Cheating Spouse?

Dealing with the aftermath when you have strayed from your partner and cheated or had an affair, is never easy. When cheating on your spouse you have to deal with your own feelings as well as you have to face the reaction of your partner. In order to handle it better, you have to figure out how you feel about your situation, because there is nothing easy about dealing with your spouse’s reactions. When you have had an affair you must own up to the problems that you have created.

In trying to fix your relationship, are you willing to admit your mistake? Maybe a bigger change waits, if you are not truly in love with your spouse. However, cheating on your spouse doesn’t necessarily mean that you want to end your marriage. Would you do it again, if you knew then what you know now, is the first thing you should think about. You must forget about the reasons why you cheated on your partner. Your cheating situations are in the past, and there is nothing you can do now to change that. You may be feeling very guilty about your actions at this point. You have to forgive yourself before your spouse can forgive you. How can anyone else think you are beautiful if you don’t think you are? This concept runs parallel to how you think of yourself. You can open the gates to allow forgiveness from your spouse, once you can forgive yourself. Besides, how will this quilt help your situation? Because you are “getting over it”, and letting go of this guilt does not mean that you love your spouse any less. You will be moving into an area where you can actively help your marriage, instead of continuing to beat yourself up over your past mistakes.

You should not in the near future expect your partner to trust you again. This is something you have to accept. You should have made different or better choices in the past, if you wanted tryst in your relationship. Because of cheating you now have to understand why your spouse is anxious about where you have been as well as who you have been talking to. This anxiety you spouse feels toward you may take years to get over or your partner may never get over it. When your spouse has those feelings of anxiety, the only thing that you can do is commit to being patent, understanding, and comforting. Think about what you can do to help your spouse get over the affair. You will be right back in place you were when your partner found out that you had cheated, if you get defensive, your spouse will automatically put their guard up. You should try to help your partner to find emotional closure. You must do whatever it takes until your spouse finds that emotional closure. Even if you have to check with your partner multiple times during the day, then you will have to do it. This will require you being where you are supposed to be, when you are supposed to be there, 24 hours a day, seven days a week until your partner feels that they can trust you again.

Look at your marriage with your spouse as a new beginning, if you are truly committed to making things right in your marriage. You have to be a good partner if you want a good partner. You have to control you impulses, and realize that you do not have the right to hurt your partner’s feelings because you are not getting what you want when you want it.

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Richard J . Watson

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